The light and dark within: Exploring our shadow self

Development of the Shadow

Our sense of self begins to develop naturally during early childhood. We start to take ownership of and identify with more idealised qualities as they are praised in our environment. We eagerly embrace and reflect these “light” and “acceptable” attributes to ourselves and display them to others.

Alongside this process of curating our identity, we are simultaneously, and at times unconsciously, creating a shadow self by burying qualities deemed “dark” and “unacceptable” by our parents, peers and society. We learn to repress traits, beliefs, emotions and impulses that do not fit with the ideal image of ourselves, thereby denying our shadow’s existence.

Seeing Your Own Shadow

Sometimes we are fascinated by the shadow and may approach it with playful curiosity. At other times, we may be frightened and tread cautiously, only catching glimpses with our hands over our eyes.

In the presence of others, we might encounter our shadow as characteristics or actions of another person such as an angry colleague, an extroverted friend or a competitive sibling. It may be more comfortable to look at our shadow from a distance where it feels safer to observe.

We may also witness our shadow sneak into our lives and be a cause for concern. Our shadow can be recognised within ourselves as mood instability, a relationship with substances, irregular eating patterns, or with others, as workplace conflicts or difficulties within intimate relationships.

In the words of Carl Jung, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious”. The shadow, therefore, is not something to fear, but rather an aspect of ourselves to acknowledge and consider.

Illuminating the Shadow

Over time, through the delicate process of therapy, we can work together to explore both the light and the dark, the conscious and unconscious, the acceptable and unacceptable allowing your shadow to be seen, held and integrated. When we are open to all parts of ourselves, we gain the opportunity to navigate our emotions and conflicts with increased awareness, engage more authentically in our relationships and experience a greater sense of coherence and wellbeing.

Source: Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature,  written by Connie Zweig

July 2024